Rough week overcame.
This week was a bit rough in terms of the relationship, as well as everything in general. But I think I’m finally overcoming it, and learning how to trust, have faith, believe, and be comfortable. I sat my boyfriend down for a talk earlier this week, because I didn’t know whether to interpret his shorter texts and lack of initiation as loss of interest. Apparently, nothing appeared off to him, and it’s only because on campus, he doesn’t talk much since he knows he’ll always have the opportunity to see me. It was more of a positive change, as he’s grown to be more comfortable, while I haven’t reached that point yet.
I learned that I’ve been focusing too much on the negatives rather than the positive. For example, yesterday, I got “aggravated” at him again for not partaking in more activities at the 70’s Night event. He didn’t want to skate or dance, so I got upset. But looking again, he still put on ridiculous props, danced for 10 minutes, took photos, and stayed with me even though he didn’t want to at all. I, again, feel horrible for my irrationality. Then again, I also did search for an hour with the police in the Student Center believing my purse was stolen after my friend took it with her and left. And it’s that lovely time of the month ago.
Also, I’ve suddenly been getting dizzy and light-headed, losing my balance. This never happened to me before. The doctor said it could be congestion from allergies, so I’m taking some Clarinex D to try and allieve it. However, I know my mom also has issues with balance due to ear problems, and it only occurs to her when she has immense stress. So she told me to relax.
After having a long talk with her, I learned to let go of my worries and instill my faith and trust in my boyfriend, because he’s truly an amazing one who cares, listens, and is there for me. The least I can do is give him the credit he deserves and my full appreciation. He tries very hard to make me happy, and I didn’t even see it last night until now. My mom told me she can see in our pictures that he’s so glad to have me, and I really need to just believe it.
I also stopped counteracting my positive, rational thoughts with negative ones. For example:
- He didn’t text me back for 30 minutes. In my head, I say a positive, realistic explanation: “He could be doing work, listening to music, and really focused. Because of that, it’s easy to miss a text, which I know I do. He DOES also have horrible service in that room of his.”
- Before, I would counteract it with: “No, he’s just annoyed of me and thinks I’m too talkative and bothersome. He’s just pushing me to the side and wants to get rid of me by giving a short response.”
Hopefully after this week, things will shift back to normal, especially after my period’s over because my emotions are flying everywhere. I can literally go from being on cloud nine to deep depression within a span of 30 minutes. But I think things will be okay now that I’m actually TRYING to be better and not just WALLOWING in my self pity.
